One handed photo shoot

subtitled... bleary eyed blurry pictures

The girls whipped up some Devil's Food cupcakes for Michealmas today and BigBoy decorated them with the only kind of blackberries my kids like... candy ones. (They used extra cocoa and coffee instead of water in the recipe.) I can't tell you how much they are delighting in having the run of the kitchen while my hands are full! 

St. Michael is The Professor's confirmation patron. He asked if he could show off this LEGO minifigure he designed and built. Yep. It's St.Michael.

Again, sorry for the blurry pics. I confess... my other hand was holding a cupcake.

See!

Quiet

Someone sent me an email and mentioned that I've been quiet. She was checking up on me and poor dear, caught me on a really bad day but thankfully... God sent her into that situation to rally the prayer troops which she did and for that I am most grateful!

Things have been... OK. If you count a trip to the ER to rule out a possible infection and a waterfall of tears as... OK. First, let me just say that I am talking with my doctor about postpartum depression and keeping a close eye out for anything severe. I take that very seriously and would not hesitate to get help for it if my husband or doctor or therapist determined a need for it.

I have always struggled with postpartum emotions. It usually shows up as anxiety although after Shortcake, it was more like depression but not too severe. I so envy those moms who give birth and then sit back and bask in the glow of a sweet smelling newborn and just take it all in, every scent, every coo, every nuzzle. They might be tired from the lack of sleep, but other than being a little bleary eyed, they truly do enjoy their "babymoon".

I have never been that way.

I worry and fret and cry... a lot. Is she eating enough? Is she eating too much? Am I producing enough milk? Is she warm enough? Is she too warm? Is she crying because she's in pain? Did I do something wrong? All of my worst mothering insecurities come out in stark relief. This time around, with all the anxiety that happened prior to her birth and now with some of the minor complications we've had since she was born and the difficulty of a C-section recovery, it's been... significant.

And now we suspect that Cupcake has acid reflux. We'll be talking to the pediatrician tomorrow to see what he thinks. She's eating well and growing so I'm not worried about it, but it makes for a very fussy, frustrated little one. And that plays right in to all my fears and worries.

So, I'm a little quiet now because I'm processing it all out. I'm talking it out with my husband and some close friends. I also have my therapist on speed dial, just in case. And I'm also keeping my eye on this lovely prize:

Thanks again for your prayers and concern and thank God for friends who check up on you.

Polish strings having fun!

Proving that classical music doesn't have to be stuffy!

(And that the string section is the most fun section!)

More baby goodness!

I received an email from Robina over at Motherly Loving. Her baby has arrived! I will let her share the specifics but for now just ask for prayers of thanksgiving and for a healthy recovery!

O God, thank You for this child, whom You have welcomed into Robina's family. Bless her family. Confirm a lively sense of Your Presence with them, and grant them patience and wisdom, that their lives may show forth the love of Christ, as they bring this child up to love all that is good. We ask this through Christ Our Lord. Amen.

Who does she look like?

Thank you to everyone who has expressed congratulations and concern for our recovery. I wanted to tell you that I am being so very well cared for, spoiled even I'd say, by my mother, husband and older children. The girls have put together "healthy nursing snacks" for me (fruit cups and granola bars) and have brought me every Jane Austen movie in our collection! While they are not able to really help care for Cupcake, they are quite capable of taking care of themselves and household chores like laundry and dishes and that is a tremendous help. My mom has completely taken over the kitchen and our meals making some of her specialities and even attempting some of our favorites. Sean went back to work this week but plans to take off next week once my mom has to leave. We also had some incredibly generous friends who collected and dropped off baked goods to stock our freezer.  Delicious dinner rolls, loaves of bread and spice cake. We are being taken care of in the best way!

I sit here a little stunned today. It is the day I was due and yet, she has already been here almost 2 weeks! My babies always came late so I'm used to seeing that circled date on the calendar fly by. Never thought I would experience a day like this, but here it is. God is good!

Everyone has been telling us who they think Cupcake looks like. I have my own opinions when I see her sweet face looking up at me, but I thought it would be fun to let you all see baby pictures of the big kids and decide who you think she looks like most. 

 Cupcake

 The Professor

Sunshine

Shortcake 
(being held by a two year old Professor)

BigBoy

Cupcake's Story

subtitled: The Birth She Needed

Remember this post... I look back on it now in amazement. A stomach flu!

My OB, who guards my anxiety disorder very carefully and treats me with kid gloves probably more than he should have to, started murmuring even before then about my body not tolerating this pregnancy for much longer even though my blood pressure and everything else registered perfectly normal. I think he might have a sixth sense. I told him I didn't want to have a baby in August. August is such a stinking, hot month in Texas, especially this August... nobody would really want to be born in August.

He smiled and told me he was born in August.  (Open mouth, insert puffy pregnant foot!)

Little did I realize how that "joke" almost wasn't one. He sent me home from my 3 am trip to the hospital the morning of Tuesday, August 30th, and told me to come in for a blood pressure check on Wednesday and then for my regularly scheduled appointment on Thursday, September 1st. He was giving me two more days. That would hopefully get me some rest (get me to September) and get my sweet little Cupcake to 38 weeks exactly. Everything went according to plan... except the rest part.

The pains came back with a vengeance that night. I was afraid to eat anything thinking that would make them worse. Yes, I still thought it was a stomach thing. Can you say stubborn? On Wednesday, my BP was lower than in the hospital but still elevated. On Thursday, at my appointment, it was bad. Not scary bad... but bad. He looked at me then and said, "I'm sending you next door to the hospital... we'll talk more there but it's time to have this baby now."

Now?! I can't have a baby now! My kids are in the waiting room, my husband left everything at work on hold to meet me here. They are expecting him to come back, you know! I didn't even bring my bag! My mom is leaving tomorrow for a little Labor Day vacation. I'm only 38 weeks! My babies don't come until 41 weeks! What do you mean NOW?

When he met me over at the hospital, he gave me the low down on my cervix. It was as I expected. No change... not favorable for an induction... locked up tight like Fort Knox! Well, of course it is! I told you my babies never come before 41 weeks! He said we could still try for induction or we could C-section. He told me what all each would entail. I called my doula and talked to her. She told me she would support whatever decision I made. I called the mother of a sweet little saint who was celebrating that day as his feast day in Heaven and begged for his intercession knowing that he would not deny his mama any request. I was exhausted. I hadn't slept more than a couple of hours at a time since Sunday night. I hadn't eaten anything except crackers, pretzels and Jello since Tuesday. I wasn't sure I could make a decision!

And then, I heard myself begging for a C-section.

And I knew it was bad.

Anyone who knows me knows that most of my anxiety centers around medical issues. Not just your typical white coat syndrome. Hospitals give me panic attacks. Even the words "minimally invasive therapy" strike fear in my heart. I had just written to my doula the week before to put at the top of my birth plan that a vaginal birth was imperative because "I am terrified of C-sections!" She had encouraged me some weeks ago to relax and pray for the strength to accept the birth God gives you.

So here I was, saying to him, I can't be induced. I don't have the strength. The idea of pushing a baby out with my stomach aching was already giving me palpitations. Here I was, with those words blubbering out of my mouth and the tears spilling hot on my face, wondering who it was that was sitting in my body, saying these words, because it sure wasn't me.

He could see I was exhausted beyond reason. He offered me one more day. One night of medicine induced rest in the hospital where I could be monitored and checked. One night to get things in place for our older children. One night to allow Husband to grab a few things like something to eat, my bag and some food for our fridge that my mom could easily put together for the kids. One night to get my mom here instead of on her planned vacation So, I ate and slept and prayed that night still feeling a bit out of my own body but at peace with the decision we had made.

My doula showed up the next day, ready to walk with me along this fearful road. She understands anxiety and panic and offered to help talk me through it. As they wheeled me in, I searched my brain for the saint of the day to no avail. I told you I hadn't even looked. But I knew it was First Friday and the comfort and peace that brought me was tremendous.

I have to admit that the surgery, while certainly not a party on wheels, wasn't as bad as I had made it up to be in my mind. Medical technology these days can do amazing things when it wants to. My OB talked to me the whole time. He told me what was happening. He told me what sounds I was hearing and what sensations I might be experiencing. He told me when her head was delivered and how they needed to suction her a little bit more than normal.

He told me how tangled she was in the cord, how it was wrapped around her neck THREE TIMES and I heard how the knot he found further down caused both him and the doula to gasp in amazement.

He told me she was one very blessed little girl. It was obvious to him now having seen the condition of her wrapped up so completely in the cord and the unexpected knot that he found further up, that an induction would have caused her tremendous distress, if not worse. I could tell he didn't want to think about the worse part. I couldn't help but think about it. Now I know why it wasn't an option. Why I begged words out of my mouth that sounded completely out of my mind to me. This was the way she needed to be born... for her sake. It was God's plan, not mine. God gives you the graces to handle what he asks of you, when he asks it of you.

In all my years of being afraid of a C-section, I now realize that what I should have been afraid of was the recovery. : ) Our faith teaches us that in pain and agony will woman labor to bring children into this world. Having now experienced both ends of the delivery spectrum, I know that the pain and agony of a vaginal birth comes before whereas a C-section's comes after. The first thing I said to my friend who has had multiple C-sections was that I was sorry for not being more sympathetic! I can't deny that at times a certain amount of pride was present when answering that question "all vaginal deliveries?" in the affirmative.  I know women who speak of feeling empowered by birthing a baby. I have felt that myself. But childbirth is truly humbling, no matter how it is accomplished, and I know I would do well to remember that.

My official diagnosis was preeclampsia; some call it toxemia or pregnancy induced hypertension (PIH). No, I have never had any problems with it before and it's possible that I might never again. We just can't know that now. It happens to young moms, it happens to older moms. What I do know is that I feel less afraid than I did before. I feel stronger, a little bit, every day.

Not my nicely manicured nails... my beautiful mom's!

And I am certain that the birth plan we "chose" was divinely inspired. She was worth every bit of fear, panic and pain. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat for her!

 

Have you seen this Spiritual Record anywhere?

I am trying to find more of these Spiritual Records. They were sold by a Catholic bookstore that wasn't online, but had a catalog business based out of California, I think. And I have one for each of my big kids so they were still available as of about 7 years ago, maybe more like 10. I might have ordered BigBoy's as an extra to have on hand when Shortcake was born,

They were printed and hand colored by one of the daughters if I remember correctly. I can't remember the name so any information would be helpful!

Gratuitous baby shot!

On this glorious feast of Our Lady's birth

Let me introduce you a little more to our little lady who is named for our dear Heavenly Mother under one of her most beloved titles...

This is Avila Ami  (or Baby Ah-lah-lah, according to the two year old speak of Baby O). She has only been outside the womb for not even a week, but we can tell she already has a magnetic personality based on the way her siblings flock to her every chance they get. BigBoy even commented this morning, "Why was I ever mopey about a little sister?" He originally thought a little brother would be a better idea but understands now that God knows best.

She is the teeniest, tiniest baby I have ever had, weighing a full two pounds less than The Professor when he was born. I can't tell you the number of times we've all said, "She's sooooo tiny!" because she is!!!

Obviously, her first name comes from St. Teresa of Avila, who was a spiritual mother to St. Therese and all the Carmelites, who's intercession we are most thankful for regarding this little one's presence in our family. It also means "little bird" which seemed to fit the direction her room what shaping up! Now Husband wasn't keen on it right away. He doesn't like "place names" that much, you know... Cheyenne, Dakota, Georgia. But he came around to Avila all on his own, especially after seeing a picture of Margaret's little First Communicant in Faith and Family magazine and realizing that she was a fairly normal kid so maybe it wasn't too weird of a name after all. :)

As Margaret pointed out, her middle name can be pronounced "uh-ME" like the french word for loved one or friend, "amie". But since she will most likely be spending the bulk of her childhood in Texas, it will also be pronounced "Amy" because it's just easier to say it that way and have people understand... I guess it just depends on whether or not I'm in a foreign frame of mind at the time.

Now, I had spent some time looking at September feast days and talking with this little one about which days would make a great birthday. (I will write up her birth story soon, once the shock and awe wears off a little. Suffice it to say that the Holy Spirit was in charge of this birth plan and we know for a fact that "miracle" is not too melodramatic to describe the situation at all.) The 5th was Blessed Mother Teresa's feast day. Today, the 8th, is the birthday of the Mother of God, who wouldn't choose today as a birthday? The 12th is the feast of the Most Holy Name of Mary and a very special day in our family's liturgical year. I even looked at my due date, the 15th (Our Lady of Sorrows) and the 23rd (St. Padre Pio). Never did I think to check the 2nd! In fact, I remember not even really considering the 5th as a possibility telling a friend that that would be "WAAAAY too early for me to have a baby!" It wasn't until we arrived home that I had a chance to look at the liturgical calendar and discovered that the 2nd is the feast day of the Martyrs of September, a group of French seminarians who were martyred during the French Revolution!

So if this little one someday jets off to study French at the Sorbonne, I will not be surprised.
 

P.S. Sorry to cut this short so abruptly but I've been told that the problem with being severely anemic and having had major abdominal surgery is that I can't even think about starting iron supplements for two weeks since they can have a negative effect on the digestion. So when my energy is gone, it's gone! It's taken me two days to put even this much together.

Praise God!

We arrived home yesterday around 4pm but had to head back to the hospital this morning for another lab test. There is so much we have to praise God for and one of these days when I have the strength, I will share it all with you. But for now, we have word that Cupcake's bilirubin levels are no longer a concern and there is no need for more phototherapy!

Yay! Thank you, dear Lord and thank you dear friends for all the prayers.

 

A quick "hello"!

We are not home yet, but Cupcake is doing fine. After spending about 24 hours under the bilirubin light, she is doing much better. After a sudden onset of preeclampsia and an unexpected C-section (my first) I am very anemic and still battling some high blood pressure. Please keep praying for our recovery! This has been quite an unexpected adventure but we are delighted by our "little bitty pretty one" and are relying on God's grace to keep getting us through.

And please excuse any pain medicine induced rambling. Her name is pronounced A-vil-uh Uh-me which looks a lot less pretty than it sounds!

Updated: Cupcake's real name below

For all you feed readers... Margaret will tell you how to pronounce it!

She is here!

Presenting...

Cupcake

Born September 2, 2011     9:34am

5 pounds 8 ounces     19 inches long

More details to come. Thank you all for your prayers! 

Please continue to pray for my anxiety.
St. Teresa of Avila, pray for us!
Mother Most Amiable, pray for us!
Talk to you soon.

 

Please Pray for Charlotte and Cupcake!

Jessica here, hacking into Charlotte's blog to ask you all for prayers.  Charlotte is so good about praying for all of us and passing along prayer requests.  Now it is time for us to storm heaven for Charlotte and baby Cupcake!

I just got off the phone with Charlotte and she is in the hospital right now, due to continued stomach cramping which is being caused by high blood pressure. Her doctor has decided that Cupcake needs to be born today, and will either be inducing labor soon, or preforming a c-section. Please pray for Charlotte, the baby, her family, and for the doctors.  Thank you!

Loving God, Your love for us is like that of a mother, and You know the hard joy of giving birth. Hold the hand of Your servant Charlotte now and keep her safe; put Your own Spirit into her very breathing and into the new baby, for whom we wait with awe and hope. We ask this through Christ Our Lord. Amen.

Dear Blessed Mother Mary, my Mother in Heaven thank you for remaining by Charlotte's side during her pregnancy. Thank you for the graces that she received because of your prayers to your son for her. I ask for your help especially now when she is about to give birth. Pray for her, please, that she will have the necessary strength and that her unborn baby may enter this world safely.

St. Teresa of Avila, Pray for us!

St. Gerard Majella, Pray for us!